“Oooh sluuuudge!” That’s what Ralphie from the Christmas story meant to say when he looked out his Tennessee window and saw 500 million gallons of leftover burned coal “goop” pouring downhill towards his house.

What the heck do you do with all that “goop”? That’s 8 olympic swimming pools. We’re talking delicious, thick, coal ash pudding with mercury, arsenic, and benzine for “flavor”.

According to CNN, fish are literally just floating in the Cinch River (a Tennessee River tributary) but TVA spokesman Gil Francis is telling people that “in terms on toxicity, until an analysis comes in, you can’t call it toxic”. I’m making the call here. Gil is a jerk. Why wouldn’t you just say, “yes, 500 million gallons of our goop just went everywhere, I wouldn’t drink the water”. Friggin Gil.

Keep advertising, “America’s Power”. Just keep telling yourself that you believe in technology. But when your technology is based on merely capturing the “bad stuff” after burning the “dirty coal”, eventually, that “bad stuff” is going to make a mess. You might as well just club a baby seal.